Do you sometimes feel like you're inside a pinball machine?
Where your emotions shoot in all directions...
And your mood is dependent on things/people outside of yourself?
You're not the only one! Most of my clients recognize this in their lives.
They are at the mercy of their circumstances.
Their environment, things that happen, how they are treated... it all dictates how they feel. I've experienced this for myself as well. And I sometimes still fall in this trap!
It's the trap of dependency, victimhood, and giving your power away.
But here's the key:
Being happy ISN'T dependent on our situation, our possessions, relationships or achievements. Happiness doesn't require us to be healthy, wealthy or problem free. In fact: being happy has nothing to do with "having it all".
Most people however think they'll only be happy when they...
find the perfect partner or job
have children
lose 5 pound
etc.
And when they get there.... they find out that nothing's really changed. They are the same people with a different set of circumstances. The "high" of happiness quickly turns to disappointment. And they focus on the next problem or goal.
Almost everyone sometimes think they'd feel better if somebody else changed their behavior
"If only my husband gave me more attention."
"If only my colleague didn't harass me as much."
"If only my children respected me more."
I'd feel happy, relaxed, loved...
The thing is: by making your happiness dependent on external things, you give your power away. When you could've been happy all along! You can CHOOSE to feel joy NOW. You can be happy DESPITE and even BECAUSE OF the adversity in your life. Happiness is an INSIDE job.
People who lived through the most gruesome traumas and faced hell on earth are often some of the happiest people! There are people who are sick and have no money AND are truly happy.
As long as you put happiness outside of you and in the future,
it will never be where YOU are.
I believe being happy is a skill. Suffering is nothing more than a habit: neurological wiring that we have strengthened by repetition. We can change our wiring by rewriting the script and allowing for healing to take place.
So what's standing in the way of shifting your perspective and being really happy? What negative narrative are you focusing on and repeating in your mind? Ask yourself the question: what can I do? Find out where you're giving your power away and then gracefully take it back! Own your happiness!
It's good to acknowledge your emotions. Accept them for what they are and not judging them or yourself. But when you find yourself being a victim of circumstance or suffering longer than needed, know, that you are in control of your feelings. Except for emotions that are appropriate to the situation (like feeling sad or mourning when you lose somebody you love) you can always choose how you react. Choose better feelings. Stay true to yourself and to your goals. Balanced. Unshakable. Through any circumstance. And watch the magic unfold.
In gratitude for your presence,
sending you love and light,
warmly,
Kinga.
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